Chad Hutchison, the author of the EKU Eastern Progress column "The Hanging Chad," has responded to my email from last week:
I love my ad-whoring fans. If you want a real taste of my writing ability check out my articles called Sometimes I cry, Losing my Innocence, or Spring Breaks Should be Remembered. And you screwed up some of your own copy editing. puncuation [sic] goes on the insides of quotations, and the movie is "Mask" that your [sic] talking about. Give my regards to Falk.
Naturally I was thrilled, so I wrote back immediately:
You're absolutely right -- punctuation normally goes on the inside of quotation marks, and the movie was indeed "Mask." My mistake -- but you'll have to forgive me for taking e-mail editing a little less seriously than I would for a piece, say, that's intended for publication.
I read those examples of your so-called "writing ability," and I'm afraid my opinion hasn't changed a bit. Your column is still self-serving, poorly written, and filled with ridiculous accolades for yourself and your girlfriend/fiancee. Guess what: nobody cares.
The point is, if your column is any indication whatsoever, you have no writing ability. And I repeat my request that you immediately cease and desist producing new ones. The fact that you are published at all is a slap in the face to every writer who actually is worth a second glance.
P.S.: When correcting someone's punctuation, it is normally wise to make sure one has capitalized the first letter in the following sentence. Use this in your next column: you are the Kevin Federline of journalism.
It's about the only thing that takes the chill out of my NCAA tournament bracket being shot to pieces over the past week and a half -- Syracuse's Gerry McNamara decided he didn't really want to play and scored a measly two points in the Orange's first-round game, and one by one my final four picks have all choked -- notably the much-hated Duke and the less-hated Connecticut. I hate basketball.