Friday, March 10, 2006

This just in: Modern kids are wusses

The Seattle Times reports that an Oregon teen was sentenced to four days of juvenile detention for refusing to write a letter explaining why he pinched and twisted another boy's nipple while standing in the lunch line.

Good for him. It's one of those things you're not supposed to explain, and the judge was stupid for having assessed a penalty like that. But another serious issue is that the kid who got nurpled is a wimp for having told his parents, who are wimps for having taken legal action.

It's a good thing LyonDenyit and I weren't looking for possible litigation while we were trading kidney punches in Korea.

Wednesday, I went into a Barnes & Noble for some after-lunch coffee and I saw the new hardcover Calvin & Hobbes treasury. I was very sad when creator Bill Waterson called it quits on what is still the best cartoon around, but I realized why we don't get new adventures any more: few kids today relate to Calvin's (primarily outdoor) adventures. Who needs a Radio Flyer wagon to ride down stony gulches in when there's Xbox to play? Why have an imaginary tiger friend when you can go online and type "LOL" to other imaginary friends?

When my brothers and I were kids around Calvin's age (six), one of our favorite games was called "gorge war." There was this huge dirt pit near where some family friends lived, and it was constantly being dug out by the backhoes and bulldozers developing the area. The result was a 20-foot "gorge" we could play "king of the mountain" on, and the best part was getting tossed off the top and tumbling Rambo-style down the side.

I guess we wouldn't have played much Gorge War if we had had virtual pets to take care of or cell phones to download stuff on.

Okay, that's enough old bastard-style ranting for now.