Monday, March 20, 2006

Dumbass gets bitten by tiger

I've been drunk before, and while I've been I've done dumb things. It goes with the territory. Barging back into a closed bar and insisting "I have a room here," for instance, whilst knocking over all the tables in the opening area, is notable among them.

Fortunately, I've yet to make headlines during inebriation... unlike this jackass:


You know, maybe he just wanted to pet the big kitty. Maybe he had some weird Siegfried and Roy hero-worship complex. Whatever.

Evidently, this genius was so drunk on a Sunday morning that he was threatened with arrest if he didn't go back to bed. He agreed, it seems, but on the way back to his carnie trailer he decided to see what Sher-Kahn was up to and maybe give the big guy a scratch between the ears. Said tiger saw what looked like a tasty treat and promptly chomped down on drunkass's forearm.

Surprised? News flash, bozo: tigers are wild animals which, as our buddy Roy found out, like nothing better than to eat the heads of people who want to play with them. If you're among the 0.02 percent of the population who's dumb enough to doubt this, check out your cat, who's probably eyeing you right now. Yeah, he might be cuddly -- but he's just waiting for you to die so he can eat the lips off your face. Trust me.