Thursday, May 18, 2006


Hey, I have some advice for everyone who's talking about The Da Vinci Code:

Shut the fuck up.

It's not news, so keep it out of the damn papers and off the networks. And for all you people at the Vatican -- you would have done a better job of keeping people from seeing the movie if you'd just followed my advice from day one.

Yeah, now I'm talking about it too, but here's the thing: just like the whole circus that was Tom Cruise's spawn coming into the world, there's no way to avoid this story. It's everywhere. And every knuckle-dragging dittohead manager on television is perpetuating the plague.

This is why I don't bother voting. You people who pick up the latest copy of Time just because there's a close-up of the Mona Lisa on the cover or a back issue of Us Weekly for ANY reason at all are the same morons who are lining up at the polls. There's not much I can do in the face of that, except to drag you by the hair over to a map of the world and smash your face into the general area of Iraq.


Postscript: I thought of this while on a four-mile run this morning -- this whole thing reminds me of the historical docu-drama that came out about 20 years ago called Raiders of the Lost Ark, where we learned that the Ark of the Covenant, in which the Jews stored the two tablets containing the Ten Commandments, also has the capability of melting the faces off of Nazis. It is now stored in a secret government warehouse.

You know what? No one thought that story was true (with the possible exception of Jerry Falwell). That means humanity in general has gotten measurably stupider over the course of my lifetime.