Ann Coulter is such a hideous caricature of American conservatives that I'm beginning to wonder if she's not some sort of radical left-wing mole planted within the movement to bring it down by wholesale discreditation.
Witness this latest bon mot I culled from her current column, titled "Muslim bites Dog":
Perhaps we could put aside our national, ongoing, post-9/11 Muslim butt-kissing contest and get on with the business at hand: Bombing Syria back to the stone age and then permanently disarming Iran.Ha, ha! Funny joke, right? Sure, Syria's a bad place full of bad people. But nobody could seriously be thinking that we should extend our military operations there right now, right?
Ann Coulter is not joking:
I believe we are legally required to be bombing Syria right now. And unlike the Quran's alleged prohibition on depictions of Muhammad, I've got documentation to back that up!Okay, this is a column she's apparently published, and in one sentence, she not only begins with the word "And," but finishes with an exclamation point. Apparently she's not aiming to be running in the same league as the Bronte sisters.
But stylistic quibbles aside (and Ms. Coulter can be forgiven for playing fast and loose with the English language now and again), and ignoring her ringing of the war gong for bombs over Syria, Coulter uses language that demonizes all Muslims:
The "offense to Islam" ruse is merely an excuse for Muslims to revert to their default mode: rioting and setting things on fire. These people have a serious anger management problem.Ann, if you want us to take you seriously, you're going to have to put a finer point on that oh-so-sharp pen of yours. I'm sure she's keen to piss off the folks who have so clearly demonstrated their displeasure over the publication of the Infamous Danish Cartoons, but come on. Cat Stevens wrote "Peace Train." It can't be all of them.
It isn't all of them, in fact. Muhammad Ali (and a bunch of friends) just opened the Muhammad Ali Center in Louisville, which is devoted basically to diplomacy and crisis mediation, at least according to its founders. Before I hear any rabid conservatives eager to disparage the former Cassius Clay as a "draft dodger," let me pre-empt them by saying that they're full of shit. Ali declined to go to Vietnam, saying he was a conscientious objecter. He didn't run away to Canada, he stayed in the U.S. and suffered the consequences of a moral decision he made.
As much as I loathe the fact that the cultural problems that have provided breeding grounds for the "Cartoon Riots" have been largely ignored, I'm unwilling to make the kinds of sweeping, racist generalizations that Coulter is so eager to scribble:
If you don't want to get shot by the police, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, then don't point a toy gun at them. Or, as I believe our motto should be after 9/11: Jihad monkey talks tough; jihad monkey takes the consequences. Sorry, I realize that's offensive. How about "camel jockey"? What? Now what'd I say? Boy, you tent merchants sure are touchy. Grow up, would you? [Emphasis mine]Sadly, the less the rest of the world looks like Coulter -- blonde-haired and lily-white -- the more willing she is to bomb them into oblivion. If she's so eager to kill Muslims, I'd suggest she take a walk down to the recruiter's office. They've got plenty of opportunities left.
Lest anyone think I'm letting radical Islam off the hook, here's the story I did for Scrawled this month:
Election of Hamas should serve as a cautionary tale to the West's efforts to democratize the Middle East.
UPDATE: E&P reports that Coulter is also one of the reasons that voting tallies in Palm Beach are always so screwy.