I just sent this e-mail to Cartoon Network:
-30-Dear Adult Swim administrators:
What kind of sick operation are you running here? There was a time where I could crawl into bed, switch the TV over to Adult Swim on Cartoon Network, and rely on some strange assault of incongruously mature content and cartoon presentation to send me to sleep. Now, at midnight, I'm subjected to the same gang of morons who inspired me to head outdoors as a child -- yes, that's the crew from "Saved By the Bell" -- instead of the IQ-melting animation I had begun to rely on.
I just wanted to write to say thanks for betraying my trust, you bastards. "Saved By The Bell" is one of the worst television shows ever made, and we'd all be better off forgetting it had ever existed. Whoever made the decision to re-air this clear demonstration of humanity's refusal to conform with evolution should be dragged out into a south Vietnamese street and shot. I promise, I'll tear "Screech's" ears off with my own hands; just let me know where it's going to happen.
P.S.: Please take "Saved By The Bell" off the air. I hate that show.
(Note: I edited the e-mail a little to make it slightly funnier and to include a point I'd forgotten to include in the original. Hint: It involves tearing someone's ears off.)