Press passes to Muhammed Ali Center grand opening?

Louisville will be opening the doors to the new Muhammed Ali Center in a "gala event" scheduled over Nov. 18-19. I've applied for press credentials, and if I get them, I'll be able to rub elbows with celebrity guests including Jim Carrey, Jamie Foxx, Angelina Jolie, and B.B. King.

I've also got passes to the Nov. 26 Syracuse at University of Louisville NCAA football game. That's always a hoot, even if the visiting teams have generally been vastly out-matched by U of L's squad. Last year, the Cardinals walloped the visiting Cincinnati Bearcats 70-7. By the third quarter, the stands of Papa John's Cardinals Stadium had pretty much been vacated, and Louisville had their third- and fourth-string offense out on the field.

I was comfortably esconsed high above the rotten weather in the plush press-box, sitting behind a window over the 50-yard line, sipping coffee and licking mashed potatoes and gravy off of plastic flatware while girls in red Cardinals polo shirts handed out up-to-the-minute game stats. There was pretty much nothing for me to do or write down.

Ahh. The life of a sports writer is tough, huh?

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Attention, passengers.... weekend ahead.

Notes from last night's football game

Last night I drove to Greensburg, Kentucky, to watch the final game of the season for the Fort Knox Eagles high school football team. To give you an idea of how I keep notes, here's what I wrote over the course of the game.

Knox @ Green County

Last football game of the season... some teams will advance to the ditrict & regional playoffs, but not the hapless Fort Knox Eagles. Winless up through tonight, Fort Knox has suffered from a distinct lack of experience.

Scoring - Dezmond Larkins 1st Q
Extra point blocked 6-0

1 INT caught by F.K., 1st Quarter

Eagles made it to 1st & Goal on the 3 yd line by the end of the Quarter.

Larkins runs in for 12-0
2-point conversion Good, 14-0

Green County scores at 5:34, 14-6
Illegal procedure on PAT, -5 yds
PAT Good, ------------> 14-7

Knox is having trouble stopping QB Keeper

Both teams are keeping the ball on the ground; stats should reflect that. D. Larkins

FK scores, 3:23, 2nd Q
PAT good, 21-7

Sack! Fort Knox sacks GC QB, 0:18.2 left in Q

At the half: F.K. 21, G.C. 7

2nd Half

X. Bacon 1-yd Run for TD -- PAT good, 28-7

3rd Q.

3:33 G.C. Scores, PAT Missed, 28-13

Kick returned to the 50, 1st & 10

Meno - Lots of passing! Larkins -- 200 yds? <-- Close, anyway. GET STAT

1:58 - Meno pass complete to X. Bacon,
PAT Good, 35-13

Troy Meno - Sacks GC
QB!

End of 3rd: 35-13

Who's Hot Tonight:

Dezmond Larkins
Troy Meno
Xavier Bacon

-- Good Stuff: 2 Point Conversion. Loads of sacks. INT

Meno pass to Frye complete for a 78-yard touch down! <--- 1st play of the 4th Quarter
Ryan Ogden PAT good, 42-13

Strange to watch a team that had faltered on the turn of a dime against much larger (physically & numerically) suddenly pull everything together and execute...

Dragons are resorting to Raiders tactics -- 2
personal fouls on the kick return, 15 yd. penalty.

My editor told me today that Green Co. has always played dirty... and if I were from here, I probably would, too... This place is like Plato's Ideal Form of Redneckville.

Another 10-yard penalty against the Dragons. I've got to ask the coach what specifically these fouls were called for.

X. Bacon sacks GC QB Edwards. <--- Double Check

Another stop in the backfield, and a penalty against the Dragons.

Illegal Block, 10 yd penalty, declined by the Eagles, 3rd with 20 to go.

Pass is complete, but the reciever's stopped before he can make it to the original line of scrimmage.

4th & long, they go for it, pass incomplete.

FK takes over on downs.

Another 1st down for Larkins. <-- Idol could be Jerome Bettis?

4th & 2 for the Eagles...
play conservatively? NO!

Pitch to Larkins, who picks up another 1st Down with a 6-7 yd gain!

Illegal procedure vs. Eagles. 1/15

Smart coaching runs down the clock now, keeping the ball on the ground...

Which means, of course, that Meno passes just as I finished writing that.

---> Two in a row intended for Gavin Moore. No good, 4th & 16.

Holy shit. Gavin Moore runs the ball for at least 20 yards.

--> Unsportsmanlike conduct vs. the Dragons.
1/2 distance to the goal. 1st & Goal, 4 yds to go.

Touchdown, Eagles. Moore with the 1 yd. carry.

PAT Blocked! Still -- it's 48-13. Who cares? For the first time this year, Knox logs a win.

4:05 left to go.

-------------------

Green County would go on to score one more touchdown and fail on an attempt for two extra points. I made it home around 11:30.

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Guess who sucks? Senators!

Check this out:

The Federal facility located at the South Mississippi Branch Experiment Station in Poplarville, Mississippi, and known as the "Southern Horticultural Laboratory", shall be known and designated as the "Thad Cochran Southern Horticultural Laboratory": Provided, That any reference in law, map, regulation, document, paper, or other record of the United States to such Federal facility shall be deemed to be a reference to the "Thad Cochran Southern Horticultural Laboratory".

Thad Cochran, if you aren't aware, is a Republican senator from Mississippi. More importantly, he is a member of the Agriculture Appropriations subcommittee and the chairman of the overall Appropriations Committee. Ergo, he had to have named the building after himself. Or some other senator could have done it instead in an shameless effort to suck up to him. [Link]

God, our leaders can really suck, huh?

Hat tip -- as if he needs one from me -- goes to Glenn Reynolds of Instapundit.

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Sports Commentary - Who's using performance enhancers?

Yes, I am a lazy-ass topical blogger. So what?

Actually, I feel pretty guilty for having neglected this thing as of late. If my blog was a plant, all its leaves would be brown and shrivelled. Come to think of it, that's pretty much exactly what's happened to every plant I've ever been "responsible" for.

Anyway, in the spirit of that laziness, here's the column I did for the Turret this week. It's a little stale, but there were some fun parts.

Who's using
performance
enhancers?


By SPC. IAN BOUDREAU/Turret Sports Editor

Ever since I started seeing television commercials for things like milk, eggs, water, and pork, they've struck me as slightly weird. I mean, where's the competition for selling eggs?

The reason we see these advertisements, I suppose, is to "raise public awareness" of the nutritional benefits of eating or drinking these things. Recently, however, the famous "Got Milk?" advertising campaign crossed into a gray area.

California's Milk Processor Board, which is in charge of the advertisements for milk in the state, produced an ad in the series that depicted a baseball player being pulled out of a game for "testing positive for a performance-enhancing substance." In the locker room, his coach pulls a carton of milk out of the player's locker.

Since the World Series is on, it seems that Major League Baseball's business director Tim Brosnan has nothing better to do than get huffy about someone poking a bit of fun at MLB's unshakable bout of steroid abuse.

"There's nothing humorous about steroid abuse," Brosnan told the Associated Press.

Nothing humorous at all? I seriously doubt that. How many jokes have been told in the past year featuring Jose Canseco, Barry Bonds, or Rafael Palmeiro as punch-lines? I'm sure I can think of at least 27 of them without too much effort.

Besides, at its core, the milk ad has a positive message -- that milk has the kind of nutritional benefits athletes strive for.

Whether it was consciously done or not, the real joke the milk advertisement made was about language and our collective refusal to use concrete terms when we talk about something that makes us uncomfortable.

Throughout MLB's steroid-abuse controversy, the phrase "performance-enhancing substances" has been tossed around as if it has some kind of specific meaning. It's used primarily to refer to anabolic steroids, the illegal kind players are using to boost muscle growth and, yes, enhance performance.

Consider, however, all the things that could fit into the Venn diagram of "performance enhancing substances." The list includes coffee, eggs, protein, caffeine tablets, sugar, carbohydrates, Wheaties, PowerAde, water, candy bars, corn dogs, legumes, peanuts, Cracker Jacks, ointments, light-weight running shoes, and soft drinks. Each of those things legitimately "enhances" athletic performance in its own way, right? [Ed: Maybe not corn dogs.]

When I was a kid, my mom would tell me to finish all my fish whenever we had that for dinner.

"It's brain-food," she'd say.

I'm sure glad I didn't get busted for that whenever I had a good score on a spelling test in grade school.

"Carrots will help you see in the dark," she'd say.

I don't know if that's true, but it's the only reason I ate carrots when I was little.

The trouble with steroids is they're not carrots or fish -- they're illegal drugs.

MLB should really take care of its own problem of self-parody before it criticizes any commentators on the outside for making light of its steroid issues. Sending Palmeiro (who had endorsed the pharmaceutical Viagra -- was that a red flag, or what?) before a congressional committee to testify that he'd never, ever, ever used a "performance enhancing substance," and then busting him for illegal steroid use, is going to have repercussions. It's a fact of life.

Got milk, Raffy?

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Hey, look who's in the news again!

It's Fred Phelps, the "pastor" of the Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka, Kansas. According to the Sky Report, he's been praising the work of the London terrorists:

"Oh, I am so thankful that happened. My only regret is that they didn't kill about [a] million of them. England deserves that kind of punishment, as does this country (America)."

Phelps, as many of you undoubtedly know, has been organizing picketing at the funerals of soldiers killed in Iraq, based on his presumption that the military is filled with "fags."

I used to think this guy was serious, but as it turns out, the whole Day-Glo placard deal is an act to cover an effort to bait people into starting fights with picketers. Phelps' wife, apparently, is an attorney of the "HAVE YOU BEEN INJURED? CALL NOW" variety, and they aim to sue those they piss off for assault.

You can read more of Phelps' firey neofascist invective here at his insane website. He's very excited, it seems, by natural disasters like the Sumatran tsunami and the recent hurricanes.

If the earth is ever hit by a comet or asteroid, I'm willing to bet that it lands somewhere in Topeka.

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Column scratch-pad

Tuesdays can be frustrating. Sure, there's lots to do on a deadline day for a weekly, but the most difficult part, I've found, is coming up with something topical to write a column about.

Here are the options, as I see them:

- The NFL, which I've already written a lot about. I'd like to avoid this if possible.
- The World Series, which I haven't really written about at all (except as a lead-in to the soccer column).
- College football, which I really haven't been following.

Either football option requires me to make a further decision - which game or team or conference to write about. I'm not writing another Steelers column yet, since that would really be me projecting my fandom into the newspaper, and that's not appropriate. Maybe something on Brett Favre and how he should be looking into the AARP? I could maybe tie something together between him and the 93-year-old who drove three miles with a body sticking through the windshield of his car.

Another option, I suppose, would be talking about the criticism I got this past Friday at the Fort Knox Eagles football game in Campbellsville. A parent told me that he'd like to see, "just once, a positive headline in the Turret on the football team."

I was pretty indignant, but I shut up until he'd made his point. He figured that the kids on the football team aren't pros, and that they need all the encouragement they can get. Seeing "negative headlines" doesn't help, he said.

For the record, last week's "negative headline" read "Knox drops in 5 OTs," and I told the parent that I thought that was pretty damn positive for a team who'd gone winless all season. I also pointed out that I'd defended the Eagles against editorial cheerleaders for the Elizabethtown Panthers and the Fort Campbell Falcons in a remarkably positive column earlier in the season headlined "Knox rivals overstating their wins:"

Elizabethtown's win [against Knox] could well have been a loss if a passing play called by Knox in the final minutes of the game had been a kick instead. With a fresh set of downs at the four-yard line, Knox quarterback Troy Meno threw into the end zone and wound up with a pick instead of a touchdown.

An easier call for Knox that night might have been to kick a short field goal instead of relying on a questionable pass.

But hey, I'm not the coach. All I'm saying is that the Panthers' win didn't exactly come in a rout, and certainly isn't much of a springboard to use going into the rest of their district schedule -- not with heavy-hitters LaRue County and Louisville Western still on their schedule, and an earlier savage beating by Central Hardin still shadowing them.

The Eagles, while young, have shown themselves to be a tenacious team. They drew first blood at Fort Campbell with a field goal by kicker Ryan Ogden, and nearly reversed the tide of the Elizabethtown game after a strong second quarter and a near-win in the fourth. They barely lost their season opener to Class 4-A Oldham County.

So one part of me really wants to write a column defending my editorial practices in the sports section. The problem is, there are already people in the community who are perpetually whining that more coverage isn't given to the niche teams at the high school -- wrestling and volleyball, for instance. Others whine about how the middle school girls' basketball team hasn't made the paper. And the parents on the baseball team insist that the Turret doesn't cover baseball regardless of the number of stories that appear on the front page of the Sports section. Stirring the pot can be fun sometimes, but right now I'm just tired of the griping.

But who knows. It might be a good idea to write something specifying how it isn't the Turret's job to act as cheerleader for the football team or any athletics program on post, only to report on what's happened. The idea's worth mulling over.

Meanwhile, the editorial pages of all the newspapers around are full of commentary on the Judith Miller fiasco. I'll try to post something on that later after I've read up on the subject.

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Bengals neutered

Welcome to Steelers Nation, ladies and gentlemen, where the order of the day is ritualistic stompings of teams whose heads have grown too large to fit into their striped helmets. It was a cold, rainy day in Cincinnati, perfect weather for the chain-smoking and binge drinking that must have assuredly followed Pittsburgh's 27-13 win over the much-hyped Bengals.

Now, posturing aside, I was sorry to see quarterback Ben Roethlisberger finally have his streak of no interceptions broken. I was a little taken aback by Hines Ward's posturing. He's known as the guy who's always smiling, and there were points in this afternoon's game -- after a rather ridiculous penalty call, for instance -- where he looked positively grouchy.

But who cares? Two Sundays ago, I was nearly at the point of myocardial infarction when Big Ben went down after a gruesome hit that looked like it had popped his ACL/MCL. Then last week, the team dusted off Tommy Maddox to fill in for Ben, which, as we all know, was disastrous. But Roethlisberger's back in the starting slot, and thank God... it just goes to show that a team that plays great fundamental, smash-mouth football does indeed need a competent quarterback, and Ben's the man for that role. I'm petitioning EA Games to have Tommy Maddox modeled in a wheelchair for next year's Madden NFL title.

I watched the game at the Applebee's off-post, and at several points during the game made a pretty sizeable fool out of myself. It's easy to forget that you're in a "family-oriented restaurant" when you're slightly hungover and watching a crucial division rivalry game over a couple Bloody Marys.

But it all worked out beautifully, and now I'm happily sipping merlot and looking through the AP photo wire from the game. The Bengals have been put back into their place, and Pittsburgh is set to take the division title. Life, as they say, is good.

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George Carlin New Orleans rant = Bullshit

George Carlin (and, apparently, New Orleans musician Bill Boudreaux) has been attributed with this rant on the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina:

Subject: George Carlin on New Orleans

Been sitting here with my ass in a wad, wanting to speak out about the bullshit going on in New Orleans. For the people of New Orleans... First we would like to say, Sorry for your loss. With that said, Lets go through a few hurricane rules: (Unlike an earthquake, we know it's coming)

#1. A mandatory evacuation means just that..Get the hell out. Don't blame the Government after they tell you to go. If they hadn't said anything, I can see the argument. They said get out... if you didn't, it's your fault, not theirs. (We don't want to hear it, even if you don't have a car, you can get out.)

#2. If there is an emergency, stock up on water and non perishables. If you didn't do this, it's not the Government's fault you're starving.

#2a. If you run out of food and water, find a store that has some. (Remember, shoes, TV's, DVD's and CD's are not edible. Leave them alone.)

#2b. If the local store has been looted of food or water, leave your neighbor's TV and stereo alone. (See # 2a) They worked hard to get their stuff. Just because they were smart enough to leave during a mandatory evacuation, doesn't give you the right to take their stuff...it's theirs, not yours.

#3. If someone comes in to help you, don't shoot at them and then complain no one is helping you. I'm not getting shot to help save some dumb ass who didn't leave when told to do so.

#4. If you are in your house that is completely under water, your belongings are probably too far gone for anyone to want them. If someone does want them, let them have them and hopefully they'll die in the filth. Just leave!

(It's New Orleans, find a voodoo warrior and put a curse on them)

#5. My tax money should not pay to rebuild a 2 million dollar house, a sports stadium or a floating casino. Also, my tax money shouldn't go to rebuild a city that is under sea level. You wouldn't build your house on quicksand would you? You want to live below sea-level, do your country some good and join the Navy.

#6. Regardless of what the Poverty Pimps Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton want you to believe, The US Government didn't create the Hurricane as a way to eradicate the black people of New Orleans; (Neither did Russia as a way to destroy America). The US Government didn't cause global warming that caused the hurricane (We've been coming out of an ice age for over a million years).

#7. The government isn't responsible for giving you anything. This is the land of the free and the home of the brave, but you gotta work for what you want. McDonalds and Wal-Mart are always hiring, get a damn job and stop spooning off the people who are actually working for a living. President Kennedy said it best..."Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country."

Thank you for allowing me to rant.

Anyone familiar with Carlin's material ("Hey, isn't it time we went and bombed some brown people?") will probably realize that the stridently anti-government comedian most likely had nothing to do with this screed, but if you're wondering, check out this and this. Seems as if this is a big hoax, regardless of how you feel about the material.

In response to other anonymous rants falsely attributed to him, Carlin once wrote: "Nothing you see on the Internet is mine unless it came from one of my albums, books, HBO shows, or appeared on my Web site... I want people to know that I take care with my writing, and try to keep my standards high. But most of this 'humor' on the Internet is just plain stupid."

Usually, that's pretty true -- except when he gets petulant and shrill about his political complaints, I'd say Carlin is probably one of the best. See his "Seven Words You Can't Say on Television" bit if you aren't convinced.

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93-year-old driver goes three miles with body through windshield

Holy. Crap.

93-year-old drove 3 miles with body through windshield. (USA Today)

Time for new boots

I determined today that I need to buy a new pair of combat boots. The ones I'm wearing now, a pair of Corcoran IIs, have been with me for more than two years now. I bought them on sale at my home town Army-Navy surplus store before I left for Korea, and the right upper is coming away from the sole in one spot. There are two deep scuffs on the toe of the left that I can't seem to get out no matter how much polish I melt into them, and there's a concertina-wire gouge on the top of the right one. There's also a hole developing near one of the seams on one, and the treads have been worn down thin.

It's a little sad, since I've really liked these boots. I tramped around rice paddies and training areas in 2ID-land for a year in them, and they're easy -- well, they were easy -- to shine.

The thing is, I'm not sure which ones I should get now. I've never really been all that crazy about the "Jungle Boots" (or "hot-weather" versions). I like the look of the jump boot style, but the basic jumps have a flat tread on them, and that's no good. I can just picture myself busting my ass the first time it rains and I have to go and take pictures of tanks in the mud.

Tanker boots are out, of course.

The Corcorans they have at U.S. Cavalry are something like $129.99, though. That's a bit on the steep side... but I suppose if they last another two years, it's a worthwhile investment.

Anybody out there in MilBlog land have a recommendation? Please don't say the basic issue boots. Those are like leather socks and I hate them.

CENTCOM condemns desecration of bodies, says investigation is forthcoming

Just got this in an email from CENTCOM:

October 19, 2005
Release Number: 05-10-71

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

CENTCOM CONDEMNS ALLEGATIONS OF DESECRATION

MacDill AFB, FL -- Recent media reports out of Afghanistan have alleged that U.S. forces were involved in an incident involving the desecration of the bodies of deceased enemy combatants.

Under no circumstances does U.S. Central Command condone the desecration, abuse or inappropriate treatment of enemy combatants. Such actions are contrary to U.S. policy as well as the Geneva Convention.

The Army Criminal Investigation Division has initiated an investigation into the alleged misconduct. Should that investigation uncover actions by U.S. personnel that were contrary to the Geneva Convention and U.S. policy, legal and disciplinary action will be taken in accordance with the U.S. Code of Military Justice.

###

Also:

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Oct. 20, 2005
Release # 051020-02

U.S. Investigates Allegation of Law of War Violation

BAGRAM AIRFIELD, Afghanistan - The Army Criminal Investigation Division has initiated an investigation into alleged misconduct by U.S. service members,including the burning of dead enemy combatant bodies under inappropriate circumstances.

"This command takes all allegations of misconduct or inappropriate behavior seriously and has directed an investigation into circumstances surrounding this allegation," said Maj. Gen. Jason Kamiya, Combined Joint Task Force-76 Commander. "If the allegation is substantiated, the appropriate course of action under the Uniform Code of Military Justice and corrective action will be taken."

Service members are expected to abide by the highest standards of behavior and the law, he said.

"This command does not condone the mistreatment of enemy combatants or the desecration of their religious and cultural beliefs," Kamiya said.

"This alleged action is repugnant to our common values, is contrary to our commands approved tactical operating procedures, and is not sanctioned by this command. Our efforts to thoroughly investigate this allegation are a reflection of our commitment to the Government of Afghanistan and the Afghan people."

###

Milbloggers and friends-of: CENTCOM is requesting widest possible dissemination of this information. You can find it here: Recent CENTCOM News Releases.

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UPDATE: Open Post at the Mudville Gazette.

UPDATE: Here's a version of the story from smh.com.au: Film rolls as troops burn dead.

In the story, writer Tom Allard says PSYOPS soldiers were taunting the Taliban in a village over a loudspeaker, saying things like "you are cowardly dogs" and "lady-boys."

His conclusion is noteworthy:

The incident is reminiscent of the psychological techniques used in Iraq's Abu Ghraib prison.

Huh?

Sports Commentary - Astros lose, Vikings will be vikings

Here's the sports commentary for this week. As you can tell, I couldn't really think of anything specific to talk about. That's why we have bullets, ladies and gentlemen.

Astros lose,
Vikings will
be vikings

By SPC. IAN BOUDREAU / Turret Sports Editor

It's hard to focus. Too much is going on, and when that happens, honing in on one subject in particular is tough.

First and foremost, of course, is St. Louis Cardinals' first baseman Albert Pujols making Major League Baseball history with his ninth-inning home run hit with two outs, beating the Houston Astros 5-4 in the fifth game of the National League Championship Series Monday. And he hit it off Astros' ace closing pitcher Brad Lidge, often referred to as "the best closer in the game."

Headline writers at ESPN.com are having a field day with this one -- "The Power of Pujols," "Phat Albert," "Fear and loathing in Houston."

For Cardinals fans, this was a moment that is sure to live forever in their collective memory -- it's almost the archetype of "classic moments in baseball."

For the Houston fans gathered in Minute Maid Park, the game was also archetypical, but for them and for Astros fans across the globe (including former Turret staffer Sgt. Christopher Fincham, currently stationed in Yongsan Garrison, Korea), the game was the textbook definition of "heartbreaker."

The Cardinals' victory brought the series back to St. Louis for last night's (Ed: Wednesday) game, which, at the time of this writing, hasn't happened.

- I'm tempted to mention the fact that veteran Steelers quarterback Tommy Maddox would do well not to show his face in public in Pittsburgh again until such a time as the Steelers have beaten Cincinnati and his game-busting interception in overtime against Carolina last Sunday is forgotten -- but I won't.

- Instead, we'll look west to the land of 10,000 lakes -- the great state of Minnesota, whose Vikings are doing everything they can to scuttle their own ship.

Nautical metaphors are especially apt, since that's exactly what's gotten the Vikings into the hot water they're currently treading. During the team's bye week, it seems, players and guests chartered a pair of cruise ships to head out onto one of Minnesota's many lakes.

So far, so good, right?

However, they returned to port hours ahead of schedule, and the crew of the boat complained of drunkenness and indecent acts on the part of the 90 guests, Vikings players included.

No word yet as to whether the rowdy Vikings aboard the cruise participated in any pillaging, looting, or arson in the local countryside. Who knows, though -- the team might just be trying to live up to the legacy of its namesake.

Vikings owner Zygi Wilf said the team is adopting a new code of conduct that demands "high standards, high morals, and success," according to ESPN.

These are three things that, despite preseason predictions forecasting the greatness of quarterback Daunte Culpepper (who was allegedly aboard the sinful ship) and the Vikings' all-but-guaranteed trip to the playoffs, have eluded Minnesota so far this season, which now finds the team at 1-4 and at the bottom of the NFC North. That easily puts it into the running for the worst team in the entire League.

- In another heartbreaker this week past, the Fort Knox Eagles lost 51-50 in quintuple overtime to Kentucky Country Day Friday night. Unfortunately, the loss boots the teams from a chance at the playoffs. The Eagles have two more regular season games -- tomorrow night at Campbellsville (kickoff at 7:30 p.m.) and Oct. 28 at Green County (kickoff at 6:30 p.m.).

- Finally, I'd like to thank Staff Sgt. Mike Johnson for stopping by the Turret office for a photograph to complete our Picks-4-Kicks feature. We'll all miss the question mark, of course, but it's nice to put a face with the name -- literally, in this case.

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Big Trouble in Little Arizona (Or, insert the name of your own southern border state)

Uh oh... this is bound to cause a real shit-storm: Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff doesn't care about Mexican people.

Wait, that's not exactly what he said. But that's what you'll be reading in the next 24 hours, I swear.

Basically, Chertoff's position (from a quick headline/blogwire parsing) is that we should deport all the illegal immigrants in the United States.

It's funny to watch how terminology changes, I might add. It looks like folks are really working hard to avoid the term "illegal immigrant." The preferred term, I'm gathering, is "undocumented worker."

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UPDATE: It seems, after reading through Michelle Malkin's links, that Chertoff isn't actually after all illegal immigrants. Just the new "OTMs" caught at the border. Story is here.

UPDATE: Here's the Drudge story link, which apparently started much of the ruckus.

I need help

... figuring out what the deal with Harriet Meirs is.

Here's what I know:

1) She's a lawyer who's spent no prior time on the judicial bench.
2) She's nominated to sit on the highest bench there is in this country (i.e., the Supreme Court, a.k.a. the power-mad robber barons of Massachusetts)
3) She's been nominated by Bush for three main reasons: 3a., she's a woman; 3b., she's an "Evangelical Christian;" and 3c., he admires her "character."

That's it, I haven't figured anything else out yet, other than the fact that pretty much everyone thinks nominating her was a rotten idea.

Without getting into the issue itself, at least here, I find the fact that so many people are nervous about her stance on abortion to be confusing. There are whispers -- loud ones -- in the air that if confirmed, she'll help overturn Roe vs. Wade, and the hint of that possibility inspires both groundless hopes from the pro-life movement and bitter shrieks of dismay from the pro-abortion side. I don't get it, because I can't see that happening -- abortion is too entrenched in American society at the moment for it to become banned, and every politician knows that. It's the same reason we won't have a draft any time soon, despite flagging recruiting numbers... no congressman wants his name to be the one on the bill first suggesting a change to either policy -- abortion or voluntary military service.

One thing that is clear to me is the ever-deepening divide between our two political parties. This is playing out like a very protracted and boring season of Ultimate Fighter, just without the clear winner at the end of each bloody cage-match.

And let's be honest. Right now, it would be great to see Tom DeLay get his teeth punched in by, oh, let's say Arnold Schwarzenegger, just because he's big and was in The Predator.

On another note entirely, has anyone caught anybody suggesting that the Bush administration caused the earthquake in Pakistan? I was just about to head over to the Democratic Underground to see if I could find a reference to that before the site moderators thought better of having it up there.

Just in case the earth really is falling apart, I picked up some special bottles of booze at our post Class 6 over the weekend. The only other thing I need is a seat with a good view when it happens.

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